Who tells you you’re full of crap?
They just might be the most important person in your life
Having supportive friends and colleagues is great, for your success and your mental health. But sometimes the best support you can get isn’t a “yes” but a “no” — or at least a “whoa.”
As sportscaster Colin Cowherd mentions in this podcast, people like Kevin Durant, Martin Scorsese and Garth Brooks often find that their ambitions go unchecked.
“Men often seek power or become so successful people don’t challenge them. And what you get anytime you’re making decisions in an echo chamber is a higher percentage of poor decisions.”
“The most essential gift for a good writer,” Ernest Hemingway once said, “is a built-in, shockproof, shit detector.”
That’s true for all of us, especially when the call is coming from inside the house. Once in a while, that same shit detector that would sound five alarms if a rival comes up with an idea will suddenly go silent when we suggest something even worse. Confidence is a great thing, as long as you aren’t conning yourself.
Lots of times when writers say, “I’d love to hear your feedback on this,” what they really mean is, “Just tell me it’s the greatest thing you’ve ever read, and that one day people will be naming libraries after me.”
So, first things first, do you really want any advice? Do everyone a favor — including yourself — and don’t ask unless you sincerely want to hear the answer. Companies make this mistake all the time, preaching about how much they value their workers and customers, then doing nothing if people raise a sincere concern. Instead of a problem being solved, it festers. Or worse.
Be as precise as you can about what you’re looking for. Assuming there’s a mutual trust, “What’s the worst part of your job?” will get more honest answers than “How are our working conditions?” Ditto with “Do you think he’s lying?” instead of “Isn’t he cute?”
If you’re the one being asked, think about whether you can help the person find the right answer rather than dictating it to them. “What makes you think he might be lying?” “Has he ever lied to you before?” and “Is there some reason he might be lying?” are all better than “OF COURSE HE’S LYING, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!” even if they aren’t quite as therapeutic.
There are certainly times you might have to throw in an unsolicited opinion or even a demand, but the idea has a lot greater chance of sinking in if the other person sees it as theirs, not yours.
Most of all, no matter how successful you are — whether you’re needing advice or giving it — listen to this from Isaac Jaffe, the boss played by Robert Guillaume on “Sports Night.”
“If you’re dumb, surround yourself with smart people. And if you’re smart, surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you.”
Murphy Slaw
Something old: If you appreciate young love and Broadway musicals, this thread is for you.
Something new: Amazing stuff.
Something borrowed: Sorry, guys. The gap between women’s intelligence and ours seems to keep widening. Do better. Or at least learn to juggle Rubik’s cubes.
Something blue: Just call her Miss Communication, dressed in blue.
