This grp. helps problem drinkers
The two-letter answer is obvious. Finding the right strategy never is
If you didn’t think anyone would be stupid enough to compare the New York Times crossword puzzle with Alcoholics Anonymous, boy, did you come to the wrong place.
A tough crossword needs more than a great vocabulary — it demands empathy. A clue like “really busy, perhaps” could mean swamped, overcrowded or off the hook, depending on the creator. Or it could mean ornate, as it did in the Sunday Times. If you can’t see the clue through someone else’s eyes, you will fail.
“Addict” has even more variations: homeless junkies, functioning alcoholics, pack-a-day smokers, empty-pocketed gamblers, Twitter doomscrollers, teens who harm themselves. (I’m sure I could come up with more, but I haven’t had my coffee yet.) Even if you don’t know an addict, you know someone who is abusive or abused, anxious or depressed, struggling with life. “Empathy” isn’t a magical 7-letter solution for them (or you), but it’s a start.
If I make any dumb jokes (and I will), it’s because I’m laughing with you, not at you. My mom was an alcoholic, which is why she died at age 60. I’m a writer, which is why I die a little each day.
Country song title: “Whiskey and — ” (3 letters)
Gee, I guess Spotify kinda gave this one away, huh? Take a minute and consider one pretty obvious lyric:
Come tomorrow, I can walk in any store
It ain’t a problem, they’ll always sell me more
One obvious step for addicts is to change their patterns so they limit temptation. Don’t spend your work breaks with Joe Camel. Join friends for boba instead of booze. Take a walk past Jamba Juice instead of Needles R Us.
If you’re anxious or depressed, are you taking those same steps? Do you have toxic friends? Is your social media feed upsetting you?
The posts might be sweet, but not for your stage of life. Tweets about peers getting promotions can suck if you’re in a dead-end job, just as Facebook friends raising a glass can cause major FOMO for a recovering alcoholic. Who wouldn’t love a cute baby photo? Maybe someone who just had a miscarriage.
Don’t exacerbate your pain by feeling guilty about a perfectly normal human reaction. Addicts aren’t the only ones who can hit rock bottom. And bounce back.
Meanwhile, avoid friends whose posts (or real-world comments) are constant triggers. Maybe have one good source for COVID news instead of 43. Limit yourself to 15 minutes on social media a day. Or, you know, step away.
I screwed up (4 letters)
“Oops” is a great word for those who are novices in the art of going astray. And as long as you didn’t do something egregious, your reply from loved ones will probably be “oh, OK” or an empathetic “oh no!” But unless you’re Britney Spears, there are only so many times you can say “oops” before the four-letter replies become a lot less empathetic — if they come at all.
So maybe the word you need is “help.”
When something goes around, sometimes this comes around (5 letters)
I tripped over a curb in September and broke my hip. Maybe you wouldn’t call that karma, but “fucking idiot” is way too long and we’ve got this damn puzzle to fill out. So bear with me as I offer a cautionary tale.
When I was 20, a few months after Mom died, I drank way too much and attempted to drive home, more than 30 miles. I should never had gotten behind the wheel. But I did, and … and … nothing bad happened. OK, I had a hangover and there might have been some barfing involved, but karma pretty much let me off with a slap on the wrist.
One of my writing idols back then was John L. Wasserman, a critic and columnist at the Chronicle. I never knew him, but admired his offbeat approach. A couple of years after my idiocy, he drove the wrong way down the freeway, drunk as could be, and died in a crash. So did two people in another car.
The longest river in the world? (6 letters)
Alcohol abuse was tolerated a lot more back then, the era before Mothers Against Drunk Driving had even been created. People would drink at lunch, sometimes to excess, and people would look the other way, sometimes to excess. We were drowning in denial.
Society’s problems change from generation to generation, but denial just keeps rollin’ along. That’s why you need at least one loved one who will tell you the unvarnished truth — that you’re in a toxic relationship, that you need therapy, that that lump in your breast or prostate isn’t there for recreational purposes.
That loved one might have to be you. Maybe you need a “My name is … and I’m an alcoholic” moment. Lots of people, young ones in particular, have acknowledged their mental health struggles, and that’s a great trend — in moderation.
But it can also be dangerous. Friends can get in a “life sucks” feedback loop, lamenting how unfair everything is rather than trying to do something about it. Or you can post something sad on social media and get lots of empathy, fooling your psyche into thinking that people care more about your wounds than your triumphs.
Feeling sorry for yourself can be addictive, too.
You don’t have all these (7 letters)
No one can possibly have all the answers, because part of the joy of life is finding fresh questions. Lots of times, too, there is more than one solution, so don’t fall in love with the one that appears obvious.
The answer to our clue, for example, is “marbles.” After nearly two years of COVID, we’ve all lost a bunch of ours.
Trust me: You aren’t this (8 letters)
You’re never clueless, even if it feels like it. Everyone who’s been involved in a 12-step program has heard or said something like this: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
You can’t change the world, but you can change your world. You can’t eliminate COVID, but you can drastically limit its threat to you. You can’t eliminate prejudice, but you can draw inspiration from those who triumphed over it. And even if you can’t lift yourself, you might find the strength to lift someone else.
In crosswords and in life, sometimes just one right word helps everything fall into place.
Murphy Slaw
Something old: Lots of photos you probably haven’t seen of people you definitely have.
Something new: Life gives you all kinds of creative solutions, even if you’re a dog.
Something borrowed: My usual plea of ignorance: I’ve never heard of this soprano, but the joy on her face is everything.
Something blue: This whole podcast is great, handling tough topics with candor and humor. My favorite part, because I’m warped, is when professor and author Kate Bowler points to a study of people holding their hands in icy water, and how those who could endure the pain longest were the ones who swore loudly.
Hey there buddy, my mom and I were just talking about the old neighborhood when she was here at Christmas and how we all used to get together. She was saying that she feels badly because she didn't know at the time your mom had a problem and she offered her a drink. They were all pretty free with the alcohol back then. To be honest, I had a night where I drove home from the city once and don't remember how I got home. Very lucky! I loved the old photos.