Forget FOMO. Focus on FOBB
If you don’t have it, maybe you should
You’ve probably heard of FOMO, the fear of missing out — on trends, adventures, social events. But you’ve never heard of FOBB, mainly because I just made it up. It’s the fear of being boring, and tends to afflict middle-age parents and retirees.
There’s one huge difference: The danger of FOMO is having too much of it; the danger of FOBB is having too little.
Instead of you taking life by the reins, sometimes life is raining on you. Maybe you’re so overwhelmed by PTAs and GPAs and SATs that you’re getting PTSD. Or you find that your bucket list is turning into a don’t-kick-the-bucket list.
Two things:
You’re not as interesting as you used to be.
You can fix it, when and if you’re ready.
If your friends are whisking off for spins around the world as your world is spinning from whisky, listen up. Seriously. Just listen. You are not required by law to dominate the conversation. Maybe yield your time — at least some of it.
Yield. Reflect. Repeat.
Take your cue from on old saying and a stale “Saturday Night Live” bit: Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.
Often there’s this demon in the back of our heads: “You know what this conversation really needs? Me!” When you’re not the center of attention, your ego gets a phantom pain, like an amputee feels from a missing leg.
Sometimes we’re all so desperate for the floor that we enlist the Four Horsemen of the Duhpocalypse: work, weather, politics and ailments.
There’s a better way, as this article on good listening points out: Be curious. If you want some conversation starters, try these. And if you’re trapped by a wild boor, here are some lifelines.
If you still need convincing that silence can be golden, channel your inner Marcel Marceau and consider the words of three intriguing characters from various eras of pop culture — Kimiko from “The Boys,” Nova from “Planet of the Apes” and Pinky from “Duck Soup”:
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Half a century or so ago, people who returned from grand vacations could strike terror into loved ones with just four words:
“Wanna see my slides?”
Just as filet mignon can go well with a nice Pinot or salmon can be complemented by a fine Chardonnay, a home slideshow went best with morphine. The grand tour might well have been wonderful and life changing, but the slideshow inevitably included every photo of every subject ever taken.
Show me the Great Pyramid. Skip the camel’s ass.
That’s still the biggest danger for those without FOBB. They don’t have a two-minute version of their 10-minute monologue in case the audience doesn’t care. If people are laughing or asking questions, by all means go for the full 10. But if you notice whitecaps in your water glass, maybe it’s time to yield.
Where FOMO and FOBB converge is with one crucial question: Are you bored with yourself? Answer honestly and it could change your life.
If you’re at peace, you don’t need to be an honorary member of the law firm of Bravado, Blather & Mansplaining. Maybe you’ll talk at length about those Four Horsemen or Wordle tactics or Hogwarts houses, but they’ll be with consenting adults — not those you yabber into submission. And you’ll be more interested in what they have to say than what you have to say.
If you feel like you are boring, push yourself a little. Maybe a trip overseas is out of the question, but you could certainly sample a fresh cuisine. Go to a different city or neighborhood. Take the road less traveled. Be a mentor or student or better friend. Join a book club or gym or trivia league.
And, above all, listen and learn.
On the other hand, maybe you’re so concerned with prizing uniqueness that you’re not appreciating those smaller moments that make life special. Maybe you’re not seeing loved ones in far off places because those you care about live nearby, so you see them every month instead of every year. What exactly are you missing out on?
It’s easy to envy people who do grand things, but let’s be honest: Sometimes those bucket-list accomplishments are a pain in the can. I’ll give you a couple of personal examples from long ago, describing what the Instagram post would have looked like and what really happened.
Instagram: Here’s Cathy and me at intermission of “Hamlet,” watching Shakespeare’s greatest play in the town where he was born, Stratford-upon-Avon.
Reality: You know it’s a four-hour tragedy, right? It makes “Killers of the Flower Moon” seem like an animated short.
Instagram: Just got back from Rio! Beauty around every turn: Sugarloaf, Christ the Redeemer, Ipanema, Copacabana … All that and Peru, too!
Reality:
Back then, I was young, adventurous and stupid. Today I have only one of those qualities.
Don’t get me wrong: South America was still fun. So was “Hamlet.” But I wish there was a Bizarro World Instagram. Every once in a while, show us the worst stuff that happened.
Resorts flood. Caterers fail. God acts. Concerts flop. Teens angst. Seniors grump. Puppies growl. Babies poop. We all scream and not for ice cream.
Sometimes adversity is what makes us the most human. And the least boring.
Murphy Slaw
Something old: Let’s start with a trivia question for slightly older rock ’n’ roll fans: What was Chuck Berry’s first No. 1 hit? The answer’s at the bottom.
Something new: This might explain a little about why Taylor Swift connects with so many Baby Boomers.
Something borrowed: This piece has some good insight if you have a loved one who’s getting a divorce.
Something blue: Just a little silliness to go with today’s theme.
Trivia answer: Chuck Berry had only one No. 1 hit, and you wouldn’t have guessed it: 1972’s “My Ding-a-Ling.”