Have you had your mudita today?
If life gives you lemons, borrow a cup of sugar from your neighbors
I promise this isn’t about student loans or politics, but it is about borrowing. So let’s start out with a huge and goofy meme that I “borrowed” from this tweet.
Did you ever borrow a cup of sugar from your neighbors? Probably not, but that actually did used to happen, and TV comedies played off it for decades. That’s not as big a deal in our get-everything-delivered society, but there’s still one thing you should try to borrow.
Joy.
That brings us to mudita, feeling sympathetic or vicarious joy for the good fortunes of others. When life is like a Barry Manilow lyric — “It's all very nice, but not very good” — you need the joy of others to lift you.
But you have to be open to it. Suppose a friend posts their good news on social media. You’ll Like it, of course, but do you really like it or are you just rushing past it? Did you take a minute to appreciate how it makes your friend’s life better — or half a second to click a button and move on? And let’s be blunt: Were you more envious than anything else?
If you’re the one sharing the joy, explain why it matters so much. Weddings and children are obvious, but shifting from ABC Co. to XYZ Corp. might seem pretty yawn worthy. But if it lets you travel to Paris or handle a dream assignment or be near your fiancée, tell your loved ones even if you don’t broadcast it on Facebook. They can use a hit of that joy, too.
The country is so divided that one person’s joy (such as having student loans forgiven) can meet with anger or bitterness. Just before the nasty 2020 presidential election, the Ten Percent Happier podcast ran a series of four episodes exploring a Buddhist concept called the Four Brahmaviharas, virtues that might make us all better, including this one on mudita with Tuere Sala, a guiding teacher at the Seattle Meditation Society.
Vicarious joy can come from unlikely places. When societal conditions were horrible, Sala borrowed joy from the passion of civil rights protesters who had gone before her. Even in the worst of times, even in the face of racism, Black people could lift each other by singing gospel music to the rafters, hoping for a better world.
“You need the joy to stay in there. You need joy in order to not get burned up and bitter and cynical and just angry all the time. You need the joy to be able to get up and do this day after day after day after day after day.”
Many people feel like they’ve been running uphill forever, like they’ve had to fight for decades to get to a place that lots of us take for granted, whether it’s having financial security or living where we want or being comfortable with our sexual identity.
One of my favorite all-time descriptions came decades ago, when a writer called a politician “a troll under the bridge of joy.” Make sure that’s not you. If someone less fortunate is close to a moment of joy, try to share it. If you have to disagree, then disagree, but give an open heart 10 times more empathy than a bloated asshole.
Can you imagine a conversation between two high schoolers like this:
“I’ve got a great way to lead us to a championship!”
“How?”
“I’m cutting off my penis!”
No one would ever say that, of course. But some bigoted politicians would like to paint transgender girl athletes as a bigger menace to society than Al Capone, fentanyl and Lil Nas X combined.
Are you buying that? Or is it more likely that someone who has had a rough life is hoping against hope for a chance to fit in, a chance to find joy?
Just think: If you help them along, you’ll have something fresh to borrow.
Murphy Slaw
Something old: Hey look! It’s a picture of Woody Allen! Um, no.
Something new: Sometimes a fresh approach can solve an old problem.
Something borrowed: If you need ideas for this Labor Day weekend, these two threads might help.
Something blue: The only thing in blue here is an umpire, and you certainly don’t need to be a fan of baseball or “Family Feud” to be touched by what happens.