Here’s a word for you: unique

Try this Olympic-size pentathlon challenge

Considering that I write about goofy stuff like getting past small talk and embracing life experiences, it shouldn’t surprise you that I was intrigued by this on Threads. Here’s how it started:

Even though I embrace laziness in a heartbeat, I’ve added an arbitrary rule: Don’t list your main work skill. It’s too easy. Even somebody nicknamed Lobotomies R Us is better at brain surgery than roughly 8 billion people, so what’s the fun in that.

Love you, Simone Biles. But you can’t just say “gymnastics.” Mic drop.

And that sure as hell means you can’t say “JavaScript,” “Python,” “Kotlin,” “PHP” and “Dart.” But I’ll let you get away with …

So how do you beat out 8 billion people to win your pentathlon? If you stand out at something, you’ve got it made. Qualify for Mensa and you’ve narrowed your competition to 160 million. Those who can run a marathon would top all but a few million. And that’s in just one event.

Don’t underestimate how unique you are. You can nap almost anywhere? My eyes are open. A hobby like journaling, painting, woodworking or stamp collecting would stick it to the masses. Even if you’re not a good enough singer to drop the mic, you can still drop 7.9 billion people.

Hell, if you’re a healthy 30-year-old, you could say “sex” and it would be tough for those much older or younger to argue. At worst, you’d lose to a billion people and J.D. Vance’s couch.

(If you’re over 45 and harrumphing at this, keep in mind that the Olympics bans performance-enhancing substances. Even if you’re still great at the pole vault, the decathlon would kill you.)

As you figure out your uniqueness, you’ll find all kinds of conversations just waiting to happen, whether you’re into D&D, S&M or S&H Green Stamps. People are always looking for connections, so as you list yours, you might help them figure out theirs.

I’m by no means an elite poker player, but could beat most of the masses. Ditto with chess. I did some moonlighting as a financial planner, so toss that in, too. Let’s make tennis my fourth event — even a lousy tennis player can beat 7.9 billion people.

See what I mean? It ain’t that hard.

What event are you inadvertently leaving out of your pentathlon because you take it for granted? Parenting? Caregiving? Volunteering? Mentoring? Because of my arbitrary rule, teachers can’t include “teaching” in their pentathlon, but they could list being a role model or an inspiration. I guess Simone Biles could do that, too.

Let’s call my last pentathlon event “inertia removal,” basically just nudging people to get together, individually, in groups, whatever. When you’re caught up in the midlife rumble, it’s easy to be so focused on putting one foot in front of the other that you ignore the beauty around you. I wrote five years ago about how a gesture by an intern helped me snap out of my autopilot, and I’ve tried to pay it forward.

Part of the autopilot for a lot of us is focusing so much on our significant others that we lose track of others who are significant. And inertia sets in. Instead of seeing them every week, we see them every month. Or year.

I have one friend who helps a bunch of people as they struggle with getting to medical appointments, with recovery, with loneliness. To call her 1 in a million would be a ridiculous understatement.

Maybe we all need to open our eyes the way she has. Whether you’re a significant other or otherwise significant, there’s probably someone whose life you’ve made immeasurably better.

You might need five events to prove to yourself that you’re 1 in 8 billion. But to them, you’re already there.

Murphy Slaw

Something old: Kids: Don’t try this at home.

Something new: If dating apps don’t scare you already, consider this report: Researchers said some apps, including Bumble and Hinge, inadvertently let malicious users or stalkers pinpoint the location of their victims within 2 meters. 

Something borrowed: This is probably bullshit, but it’s educational bullshit, so I’ll allow it.

Something blue: If you want to slice your dementia risk, maybe cut back on processed red meat: bacon, sausage, hot dogs, deli, etc. CNN reports the risk rose by 14% for people who ate about an ounce of the meat a day, compared with those who ate only about 9 ounces a month, according to a preliminary new study.