When she promoted her latest album on social media, Taylor Swift wrote about sadness in a way that reminded me of an intriguing Eagles song from the 1970s and a cult classic TV show from the ’60s. And about our worst enemies: ourselves.
Here’s her post on Instagram (the red is Dave’s version):
We all shoot ourselves in the foot sometimes. Elon Musk is so rich he does it with an assault weapon. So when you do screw up, remember two adages: “Time heals all wounds” and “Comedy equals tragedy plus time.”
And, while you’re at it, maybe this from Millennial oracle Britney Spears: “Oops, I did it again.” Sometimes we just can’t help ourselves.
Overtreating one wound can lead to another. Lovers who get cheated on might sabotage future relationships, either by becoming unfaithful themselves or being overly suspicious. Clumsy comments from frenemies can trigger body issues or paranoia or god knows what else.
You’re hurting over a breakup or demotion, so you have a drink or a joint. Every hour.
Suppose you get admonished for a sloppy mistake or two. You’ll be more careful, which is great — within reason. But if you turn into a perfectionist who dwells on trivial stuff, you can become timid, nitpicky and plodding. Those aren’t exactly qualities people look for in an employee. Or a friend.
Consider the lyrics from “Hotel California.” As with many popular songs, you can interpret them in all sorts of ways, so I might be absolutely right and utterly full of crap on this, but this is one of the most haunting:
Mirrors on the ceiling
With pink champagne on ice, and she said
"We are all just prisoners here of our own device"
Cue another adage: “You’ve made your bed, now lie in it.” Sometimes our wounds (self-inflicted or not) can leave us feeling as trapped (and maybe even as hopeless) as the people in the Hotel California: You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
So how do you get out of that bed? It might be as simple as letting the wound heal, taking baby steps to help it along: emailing old friends, going for walks, meeting someone for coffee. A scar might remain, but it won’t ruin your life.
Maybe it’s more serious and you need a 12-step program or counseling. This resource page from Washington Post columnist Carolyn Hax might help.
What if you need a different sort of detox? We all can develop bad habits — procrastination, isolation, an obsession over anything from social media to gambling to an unattainable someone. Or you can have a boss or alleged loved one who’s quick to point out your flaws.
Good bosses have found that a better strategy often is to emphasize your strengths, pairing you with a complementary teammate. If you feel like shyness or anxiety or disorganization are holding you back, maybe a friend or teammate can be the right complement.
In “The Prisoner,” a classic TV show from the 1960s, the title character resigns as a secret agent and winds up in an idyllic village that doubles as a prison. His captors are trying to get information, he’s trying to get out and we’re eventually wondering how much of his struggle is within himself.
Some workers who take jobs straight out of the military or college have trouble because the “real world” isn’t as regimented as their past lives were. There are no regulations to rely on, no grades to provide feedback, and maybe the chain of command is more nuanced than what they’re used to.
But other times the struggles are within ourselves. Yet another adage, this one from counselors: If it’s hysterical, it’s historical. Is there something in your past that’s making you overreact to a stressor in your present? Just as some scars are signs of healing, others remind us of pain from long ago — and can extend our prison sentence.
If all else fails, embrace Olivia Rodrigo. No, not literally. That could get you in trouble. But listen to her spirit, and one final adage: Laughter is the best medicine.
We’re all going to feel like fools at one point or another, and every stupid mistake you make has probably been made by millions before you. Even the pain of losing someone can remind you of the joy you’ve shared. So smile, even if it hurts a little.
It might not heal you completely, but it’ll keep you out of prison.
Murphy Slaw
Something old: Love this post on Facebook:
Something new: I’ve written several times about how deep breathing can help you, but this from the Mayo Clinic emphasizes where those breaths should come from: your belly, not your chest. Apparently belly breathing can also help with things like acid reflux, sleep apnea and high blood pressure.
Something borrowed: Amen to this:
Something blue: “Eating pineapple” might have a different meaning than what you’re used to, at least in the world of urban slang — and, for that matter, the Urban Dictionary. Pop culture can do all sorts of things to phrases we take for granted. In the words of Taylor Swift, “scout’s honor.”