Don’t treat a setback like a loss
A song from Fousheé carries a life lesson all its own
A college coach tried to convince her players that they never lost, but only suffered setbacks. Our student newspaper’s adviser wasn’t buying it — the coach never objected to calling wins “wins,” did she? — but it was a good philosophical exercise. And we all can use a little exercise.
Think about things that have gone wrong in your life. Were they really losses, or just setbacks? Did you ever treat something as a setback when you should have just taken the L and moved on?
Consider something from Fousheé, who took what could have been a huge loss and turned it into a mere setback. And then a hit song.
Soon after being a contestant on “The Voice” in 2018, she was approached by people from Splice, which buys music samples, then lets musicians use them in their own songs without paying royalties. Fousheé sold some samples, including a hook from an at-that-point-nonexistent song: “I don’t want to go off the deep end.”
“Once people use the pack, they don’t have to credit the artist,” she said on the “Song Exploder” podcast. “Typically people don’t make hooks. It was just a different scenario. It backfired on me.”
The setback: Performers like Sleepy Hallow and Dwayne Wade used the hook. Fousheé was having her 15 minutes of fame, but nobody knew it was her.
You know the old saying: When life gives you lemons, make a TikTok video. Hers explained how being that mystery voice was pushing her off the deep end. “I posted it. I went to sleep. I woke up and it went viral while I was sleeping.”
The video got more than 6 million views and lots of supportive comments, so she wrote a song, using the hook in a more upbeat context. “It was a different energy — like less of the victim, more of the victor.”
Fousheé didn’t curse her fate or blame someone else. She took action. Too often people take something like a bad week at work or a thoughtless comment and let it fester its way into a serious argument or depression. Or worse.
As setbacks go, Fousheé did all right. “Deep End” has been streamed around 400 million times.
If you’re young and it feels like you’ve had nothing but losses, maybe you’re luckier than you think. Maybe you’ve never had a real loss. You still have your loved ones, your home, your health. You missed out on a scholarship? Your boss hates you? Your crush crushed your hopes? Pffft. Setback. Setback. Setback.
I’m going to give you five words that will scare the living crap out of you: Talk to an older person. If they think about it, I bet any of them can come up with a story about something that felt like a crushing loss, but was really only a setback — and, as fate would have it, turned out to be a win. I already shared mine.
Maybe we were so enamored with a beautiful smile that we overlooked a clump-of-spinach personality, or trusted a sales pitch instead of our instincts, or focused on perks when we should have been noticing jerks. All of those are setbacks, unless we obsess over them or don’t learn from them or beat ourselves up over them. Then they become losses.
Is getting fired a setback or a loss? Yes. Are jobs like yours becoming obsolete? Did you enjoy the work? Were you good at it? If you don’t like your answers, maybe the career you picked for yourself at 18 or 20 isn’t such a good fit at 25 or 30. Take the loss and move on to something else. Find your passion and the whole mess will feel like a mere setback soon enough.
If you do have the passion and talent, though, maybe your setback came in the form of a toxic relationship with a boss or colleague. There’s a great song in “A Chorus Line” from an actress who struggled with a negative teacher, then finally listened to her inner voice: “If you want something, go find a better class.”
Use your setback as fuel. Strive to get better. Be a great teammate. Listen to Fousheé: Be a victor, not a victim.
Murphy Slaw
Something old: It’s only four seconds of video that pops up on Twitter every Friday, but there’s a good story behind it. And people love it. (If your device shows a bunch of white space on these first two items, press the “play” button and videos will still appear like magic.)
Something new: Lots of cuteness in under a minute. The thread has plenty of other good stuff.
Something borrowed: This might be an urban legend, but god I hope it’s true.
Something blue: Sometimes you can bring joy by thinking outside the box — even if it’s a carton.
I was supposed to win 1st place in the MPL league wrestling tournament my senior year. I lost 10-8 in the semi-finals and I’ve been trying to make up for it ever since. That set back had driven me to get black belts in judo and Brazilian jiu-jitsu, collecting three world masters titles along the way. It still drives to this day.