Social media: the parable and the terrible
Sometimes as you try to build your brand, you build your anxiety, too
To understand social media, pay attention to the parable about the blind men and the elephant. And think about unrequited love, too.
In the parable, several blind men touch an elephant, but they reach dramatically different conclusions, depending on which part they touched. When you’re on social media, which part of the elephant are you touching?
You probably already know that relatively few people over 50 use Twitter or Instagram, but the elephant has far more texture. Let’s say you’re 60 and your friend is 30. Obviously we’re generalizing here, but you might have 200 Facebook friends while she has 1,000, even if Facebook is her third-string social network behind Instagram and Twitter.
Now suppose you both post something. Maybe you’ll get 10 likes and be happy, maybe she’ll get 10 and be disappointed. For you, this is penny-ante poker. She may have more skin in the game.
In her Gen Yeet blog, journalist Terry Nguyen says that young workers in the creative and technical industries often use social media as a way to stand out.
“As I entered the workforce, brand-building became a necessary means of survival,” she writes. “Dramatic as that sounds, it was — and still is — an employment back-up plan that is masqueraded as a passion project.”
If you’re 60, focus on one word: “masqueraded.” You post because you want to, but your friend might feel like she has to. In her book “Can't Even: How Millennials Became the Burnout Generation,” Anne Helen Petersen says the emphasis on building a brand makes digital technology and social media far more insidious.
“They compel us to frame experiences, as we are experiencing them, with future captions, and to conceive of travel as worthwhile only when documented for public consumption,” Petersen writes. “They steal joy and solitude and leave only exhaustion and regret. I hate them and resent them and find it increasingly difficult to live without them.”
Suppose you both have a Gen Z friend who loves photography, so he prefers a different social network. He may spend an hour tweaking and filtering a single photo, all in the hopes of making it Instagasmic.
So he ends up with 500 likes and one eternal truth: Kim Kardashian could post a photo of a stool sample and get more likes than he will in his lifetime.
Consider three things if you’re like the 60-year-old:
Watch for signs of unrequited love (not in the romantic sense). You might see the 30-year-old’s posts and feel like you’re friends, when you’re really just an audience member. You rarely post, so she might barely know you, if she sees your posts at all. And all you really know is her persona — not necessarily her.
Think about what that persona is hiding. It puzzled me when a young friend, very active on social media, didn’t take a couple of logical steps at work. Finally it dawned on me: She’s shy. Lots of journalists are. Our jobs might mask that shyness with tough questions and bold writing, but our introverted souls are still standing in the corner, whispering witty remarks to the cat.
Don’t be like the guy who sees a store clerk smile and thinks, “Wow! She’s flirting with me!” No. She’s doing her job. Next time a friend seems intimate with an electronic device, look closer. Is the passion real, or are they faking it?
If you’re like the 30-year-old, consider three other things:
The best brand you can build is to be a great teammate, doing more than your share, being eager to learn, helping others, sharing joy. Your skills on social media can enhance that, but never replace it.
Don’t lose key people in an algorithm. If someone with relatively few friends or followers posts something, you might not see it because your news feed is clogged with more popular items. If they’re really a friend, not just an audience member, check their timeline every few days to make sure you don’t miss something. Or, you know, text them.
Don’t lose yourself in an algorithm, either. It’s normal to get an endorphin rush when people like your posts, but don’t make it an obsession — or let it make you into a weaker teammate. Trust me: “She’s the one who’s always looking at her phone” and “I have to explain things to him three times” are not good brands.
Murphy Slaw
Something old: Turner Classic Movies has a series called “Reframed” on Thursdays this month, looking at older films that have “troubling and problematic” elements, like prejudice and stereotyping. Its website includes articles about some of the offensive scenes.
Read about the controversies (you can always Google them if you don’t have TCM) and then see the films. If you love them, try to understand why they are offensive. And if they offend you, try to appreciate why they were beloved. It’s a good exercise in empathy.
Something new: The video of a drone in a bowling alley is dizzyingly good. The New York Times has the backstory.
Something borrowed: This is a wonderful Twitter thread about classical music — and cartoons. If you’re among those who avoid Twitter because it seems pointless or nasty, you’re missing a lot. Message me and I can help you create a pretty innocuous starter set.
Something blue: Yes, this has blue in it, but it brought in a ton of green: $69.3 million at an auction at Christie’s. An artist known as Beeple created the piece, and what makes it unusual is that it’s strictly digital, with its uniqueness protected by the blockchain, the system used by cryptocurrency investors.
So interesting about the old movies. The drone in the bowling alley would seriously hamper my ability to bowl. Bowling for my birthday was the last outing I had before the pandemic hit. I totally get what you are talking about with the branding. My kids tell me I don't need twitter. Another great post my friend.