Don’t get caught in a compromising position

Empathizing with someone’s needs is noble. Martyrdom is not

You don’t have to be King Solomon to realize that sometimes compromises suck. If you want to vacation in Paris and your significant other prefers New York, a compromise lets you both drown in the Atlantic. Great plan!

“How about this, honey: I’ll only be bisexual every other Monday.”

“I’ve got a great idea for our restaurant! Barbecued sushi!”

“I’ll just put it halfway in.”

In this great column, the Washington Post’s Carolyn Hax responds to an engaged couple struggling with how to spend Christmas. The future (maybe) bride wants them to follow her family tradition of going to a resort with her mother and unmarried sister; groomie wants them to follow his tradition of gathering with extended family.

“She wants to alternate holidays,” he writes. “I don’t want to miss my own family holidays. To my thinking, four adults can easily make up Christmas at a later time, whereas a family of 50 cannot. She wants to be with her family on Christmas Day. I have invited hers to join mine, but the sister is not interested.”

Hax doesn’t pretend to have a magical solution, and wouldn’t offer one anyway because thorny issues like this are the types that married couples have to work out. Sometimes you may have the same kind of layered complications with children or bosses or even neighbors.

As she points out, it gets dicey if the love of your life might not always be your top priority. That can be a startling — maybe even painful — realization. But it can apply to all sorts of people, from entrepreneurs to drug addicts to work-and-family jugglers.

This Inc. story on workplace compromises underscores another point that Hax makes: If you compromise away something that really matters to you, you’ll feel like shit. If groomie gives in, he’ll resent not seeing his family. If future (maybe not) bride gives in, she’ll have to do a heap o’ spin doctoring with Mom and Sis about celebrating Thanksgiving or ringing in the New Year or having Cinco de Mayo together as their new holiday tradition.

(Her evil twin might whisper to Mom and Sis: “If we do it this way, maybe groomie won’t come.” They might embrace that. He might, too.)

Which brings us, of course, to Alexander Hamilton and Donald Trump. The political pièce de résistance in “Hamilton” was this song about how the Treasury secretary succeeded in the art of the compromise. He gave up something that was secondary to him — moving the nation’s capital south — in order to keep New York as the financial center.

Or did you know even then it doesn't matter where you put the U.S. capital?

Cause we'll have the banks, we're in the same spot

You got more than you gave

And I wanted what I got

That video was recorded at the height of COVID, which I’m convinced cost Trump the 2020 election. No, not the video. COVID itself.

In politics and in life, Trump has an uncompromising style. Instead of asking, “What can I do to satisfy the most people?” Trump asks, “How can I impose my will?”

That strategy often helps him get his way and attract fanatical supporters, but COVID was a barrier he could not bulldoze. As he was too slow to react — and, yes, compromise — even lots of supporters realized he wasn’t a president to die for.

The emperor had no clothes. Not even a mask.

Murphy Slaw

Something old: A study of people 60 and older found that those who sit over 10 hours a day increase their risk of dementia, and it gets dramatically worse if they go over 12 hours. Even if they exercise, the danger is still there. So if you’re watching TV or talking on the phone, seize the opportunity to stand — at least for a few minutes at a time.

Something new: If you want to stay current, consider these Washington Post pieces on texting and phone call etiquette. If you prefer something out of date and utterly useless, check out this from a year ago:

Something borrowed: A picture is worth a hundred thousand words.

Something blue: If you’re not a Harry Potter fan, the death of Michael Gambon this week might have gone relatively unnoticed, even if he did plenty of Shakespeare and great stuff like “The Singing Detective.” But he was Dumbledore, for god’s sake, and that’s both real and happening inside my head. And heart.