There’s a classic bit of workplace advice: Surround yourself with smart people. That works for mental health, too. But instead of going to Brain Surgeons R Us, apply a little poetic license. Or a license to steal.
Obviously learn from professionals — if you have no clue where to begin, try here; if you’re having a crisis, call 988 or text HOME to 741741. But if you’re wary about crisis lines or can’t find therapy or want to help a loved one, you’ll find a lot of smart people on the internet. (Yes, you’ll find a lot of morons, too, but there are ways around that.) Here’s a sampling:
Keep your perspective
Most of this podcast is a great conversation between two smart, funny men: Patton Oswalt and Ed Crasnick. But the point that resonated most with me came from co-host Jennifer Kolari, a parenting expert. Think of stressors in your life, she said, and how traumatic they really are, on a scale of 1 to 10.
“With a Level 10, you’re allowed to have a Level 10 response — screaming, yelling, crying, running, whatever,” she said. “The response matches the event. And then you kind of go down the scale. You think, ‘OK, what’s a 9? Why am I having a Level 10 response to a Level 4 thing?’”
I’m incredibly impatient, escalating what should be a Level 1 to a Level 5 just because I’m waiting in line or caught in traffic or whatever. I don’t yell or anything, but the anxiety is certainly unhealthy. Treating a Level 6 as a Level 10 can be more dangerous, even deadly.
“Little by little, you’re rewiring your brain,” Kolari said “And I have worked with so many people who’ve gone from extreme anxiety and depression to feeling completely different, and they’ve done it by rewiring, by changing what they’re thinking about.”
You don’t want to hear this when you’re upset, but sometimes emotional pain can help you grow …
… especially if you keep your sense of humor.
Wise up
Here’s the stupidest mental health advice you’ll ever hear: Learn how to do a Google advanced search. Whatever is wrong with you — or you think is wrong with you — you’re not alone. Someone has had it or studied it or written about it. These days there are probably a dozen TikTok videos on it.
But you can’t find help if you can’t find help. People will search Google or Twitter, then get overwhelmed with unrelated responses and give up. Now consider the beauty of the following line, even if it ain’t exactly Shakespeare.
“morgan freeman” site:nytimes.com before:2005-01-01 -Shawshank
It just finds stuff about people named Morgan Freeman (not, say, Jimmy Freeman who works for Morgan Stanley), on the New York Times website, posted before 2005, and without the word “Shawshank.”
There’s more help than just Google, of course. Search for “depression” on Spotify and you’ll find this podcast, one of my all-time favorites. YouTube will give you all kinds of things, from TED Talks to “Today” segments. Twitter can take you to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America and show you which accounts it’s following, leading you to more voices.
If you want to keep your research away from the prying eyes of colleagues and marketers, search in incognito mode and create a Twitter account with a phony name.
The more you explore, the more leads you’ll find. I learned about the Depression Looks Like Me website from this podcast episode about the LGBTQIA+ community.
Reach out
If you’re not shy and have lots of Facebook friends or Twitter followers, you might find help with a simple message, like these two:
Otherwise, look for popular tweets or articles that are at least similar to your situation, then raise your question in the comments. Sometimes you’ll fail miserably, but other times you’ll find something — or someone — useful.
And when you’re in the real world, keep your eyes open for people who might be reaching out to you. Such as:
Sometimes people are too shy or have been burned too often to do anything more than she did. It’s like someone in the office asking if anyone wants coffee.
They might just be trying to break the ice. If the spirit moves you, join them. Or emulate them.
Make friends
Wow! I’ve solved millions of mental health problems with two words! Woo-hoo! Obviously it’s not that easy. Maybe this thread will help:
Bottom line: It’s hard making friends. Subterranean line: It’s hard keeping them, too. Here’s advice from the New York Times and Jane Fonda:
Be like Jane Fonda. No matter hard you try, some friendships are going to fade away, whether it’s from a Level 10 crisis or a Level 1 malaise. Don’t give up.
Give back
When friends and strangers do help you, let them know how much they’re appreciated. They have rough days, too.
People post on social media when they’re having a bad day and can use a laugh or a hug or a cute pet photo. That’s great. But don’t forget to return the favor. Maybe post something like, “Having a great day! Does anyone need a hug?”
You already know the answer. We all do.
Murphy Slaw
Something old: Friendships are important for tons of reasons, but this is a huge one.
Something new: A dog teaches her something very human.
Something borrowed: An elementary-school lesson in kindness and compassion from Hopkins, Minn.
Something blue: “I have a (very erotic) dream today …”